Lost: Emotions / Found: A wonderful community

Lately I have found that my feelings towards TTC have changed.

I'm getting really tired of letting this goal of conceiving dictate when to be intimate with my husband and lately it has taken a lot of the joy out of our time together. I'm just so tired emotionally and physically that I feel I want to give up. Then I feel guilty for thinking that because I want nothing more than to be a Mom and Mom's can't just give up on their children.

Just last month I had my first ever 'major' meltdown at the hands of this TTC journey. I have not cried like I did that night in a long time. What brought it on you ask? My DH felt bad that he felt too tired and ill to 'perform'.

HE felt bad. It was enough to make me realize that he is suffering with this as much as I am (in his own little way) and I broke down. I sobbed into his shoulder (the poor guy didn't quite know what to do. He never has really known what to do with a crying spouse!). I wept. I grieved. I tried to make the crying stop, but I couldn't. I cried myself to sleep.

I think that is when I stepped up to seek other infertiles out there. I searched for fellow infertiles on Twitter and found several to follow and I've started following their blogs too. It's really comforting to know there is a lot of support available out there. That's phrased incorrectly because I wish none of us were in this situation, but to have the support and advice from others who I don't even know personally is heartwarming. We send virtual hugs, we wish each luck at the prospect of a new cycle and what possibilities it might bring. It truly has made a difference in the last couple of weeks. So although I have not gone public with my blog, I want to thank each one of these lovely ladies for opening their souls and letting me in.